Enneagram Children
Each child has varying personalities just like adults do. I don't believe children's enneagram types set in fully until 4-5 depending on their nature and nurture. Using these two episodes as guides I hope they help you identify your children's enneagram type to parent them the way they need to be parented.
1-Rational Child: They can be seen as the model child. These children have a strong sense of right and wrong. They have been known to correct others around them and compare themselves to others (think Hermione Granger the first time you meet her.) They might have a hard time why others would do things differently. They do not want to be seen as bad or wrong. They may shy away from things they will not excel at and only do things they will do perfectly. They are ones that naturally want to keep things clean and orderly. They do not like to make mistakes at all and things better be well done. They might be seen as little adults.
If you have a one child. Let them know mistakes are normal. Don't correct them in front of others.
2-Compassionate Child: They love to give. The might be seen as people pleasers. They will have close friends but might give to others and have no boundaries to feel love from others. They wear their heart on their sleeve. They might seem sad because they don't understand how they lovable they are. When receiving praise for their giving they begin to give more, much like a teacher's pet. They are very independent because they don't want to be a burden on others. They are drawn to other people and they might get drawn into other's feelings and drama. Their feelings can get hurt easily.
If you have a two child. Don't pry too much into their feelings, they struggle to know their own feelings. Make sure you separate your personal feelings from them.
3-Confident Child: They may not always seem confident but they are able to put on a confident façade. They are high performance achievement machines. They believe they are loved because of what they do. They might not know what they want because they will meet the standards around them. They might get praised heavily when excelling and keep up with it. They desire to be praised. They wake up with a plan. They are socially aware of where to sit in school groups. They are very motivated, quick and efficient. They like organized but not to be calm like a one but for appearance. They might be seen as braggy but they are trying to connect to others. They love to be noticed.
If you have a three child if they fail, be there to know they are still loved. Notice what they do the big and little things.
4-Artistic Child: Creative and romantic child. They might feel different and misunderstood. They get their feelings hurt easily and spend a lot of time alone in their own space to heal. They can seem approachable and unavailable at the same time. They want to stand but deeply desire to belong. They want people to get them and might use eccentric ways to communicate. They try to stand out and fit in at the same time. I watched Little Fires Everywhere, Izzy, is a type four and a great example of a teen trying to understand your child. Type fours often use the "what if..." scenarios and process what to do before and after socializing. They will have depression type qualities. It might not be depression keep an eye on how they are socializing and depression. They like to sit in sadness. They get overwhelmed by their deep feelings.
If you have a type 4 child remind them that you are trying to see them. Love them no matter what.
5-Practical Child: They see the world in a logical way. They prefer to be alone and may hide themselves away. They might hide from overbearing parents, parents that don't show deep love or too many siblings. They will play by themselves for a long period of time. The might be computer wiz, book readers and collectors. They aren't in tune with their feelings and don't recognize the feelings of others. Think Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. School they might love because of the challenge it brings but they struggle with the social aspects. They have a hard time being silly and vulnerable. All types have a wounded message but they wounded message might be that "fives can't handle the emotional connection." Which might help you to understand why they behave the way they do. They might be spacey and aloof.
If you have a type 5 child allow them the space and freedom they desire. Do not force socialization on them. Make sure to take time to get to know their interests and passions.
6-Considerate Child: The cautious and considerate child learns to worry at an early age. You will notice the anxiety early on. Messages of what not to do stick with them and they see the world in an unsafe place. They will either trust adults or rebel against them. They stand back and watch others try things first. They lack confidence but will often question people when they are given compliments. They are loved by those around them. They are great followers, listeners and part of a group. They are constantly looking for advice from others. They can use their anxiety as humor. (Think Chandler Bing.) Change is hard for a six.
Having a six child. Make sure to give them a secure place. Make sure you are honest and upfront with them. Validate their worries.
7-Dynamic Child: Their fun and smile is contagious. They live in a fantasy in their head. They might create a whole different story especially if they have experienced something painful. They might see all the rainbows and completely see past the rain. They believe in the fantasy and adventure. They don't like to deal with heavy emotions and feelings. They play with others easily and play by themselves. A seven might be dangerous when bored, always looking for an adventure but not looking at why things might be off limits. Curiosity is the whole world of a seven. Sevens struggle with rules and limits. They aren't achievement oriented they are experienced oriented. They have boundless energy. They wake up ready to go. Sevens believe feeling good is choice and don't understand why people would choose sadness. They might try to get attention by being humorous or funny.
If you are parenting a seven make sure they are understanding of the rules. Use fun and experiences to your advantages. Always have things planned and be ready for an adventure.
8-Brave Child: They are bold and a force of nature. They learn the world is a dangerous place and only the strong survive. They are always worried about betrayal so they only trust a small group of people. They do not like to be controlled, they are not controlling. They have a tendency to get their way. Eights might be perceived as bullies but let's set this right. Eights are typically not bullies because they fear no one and bullies have a tendencies to act on their fears and insecurities. Eights are actually the one most likely to stand up for the underdog or help the weak. Going out of their way to take care of those around them that they care for. Eights have a strong sense of justice a common phrase is "that's just not fair." They will follow rules if it gives them more freedom. They are also more likely to trust themselves then adults. They might have a soft spot for animals and babies.
If you have and enneagram 8 child it is important for them understand they won't always get their way. Teaching them anger management tips for when they don't believe things are fair.
9-Thoughtful Child: They are very easy going and calm. Many have been in a home where they might be seen as not as important or having important opinions and are often middle children. They might sleep more than others types to avoid conflict. They might not be noticed as often because they have learned to just cope with not getting their way or voicing their opinions. Nines really struggle with staying on task. Nines are very easy to be with. They bring harmony and cheer and have a sense of what people need around them. They might be really stubborn or passive aggressive if they are passionate about something and don't get their way. They also have been known to mediate between arguing parents and their siblings.
If you have an enneagram nine child. They might be comforted by just being by you. Make sure to use a calm and comforting tone when talking to them. Make sure your child always seems seen.
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This was a very helpful quick assessment of each type as a child as well!
